Thursday, March 22, 2012
Today is Holy
Every once in a while I will wake up and just have a sense that the day ahead of me is something special, something holy! I have that feeling today. It does not make a lot of sense, my head is kind of stuffy, I am not particularly rested and there are lots of things I should be thinking about ... but I know it is a holy day because all I seem to want to do this morning is read my Bible. I am drinking it up like I am parched! I have little desire to do the things that have been driving me lately. For example, I have been a little stressed and overwhelmed thinking about this thing with getting a building. There is one hurdle that I am struggling with and it seems impossible to get over. So much of my thinking time has been slipping into worrying and planning for how I can work this out, even though I really do just want to trust. Well, this morning I finally have an appointment that can make or break this deal and I would think that I would be stressing, but I am not. A matter of fact I am not very worried at all. I feel some peace and disconnect from the whole issue. I KNOW this is from the LORD!! Thank you Father for showing up exactly when I need you. Thank you for this day, please continue to speak to me and guide me so I can have as much time in your will as possible.
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
REST!
This is the word I have received for this season of my life. God gives me these pretty regularly. They can last for a few months or an entire school year. Some words I have had in the past have been obey, listen, core (this one requires some explaining ... later), discipline ... and now it is rest! So FCC denied my request to use their building for CC. When I got that news I felt deflated. Not because I was disappointed, really I have this solid faith that the Lord has a plan, and I was even maybe a little relieved that I knew that FCC was not the plan so I do not waste anymore time on it. However, I think I was deflated because of all the necessary energy I spent on pursuing it. I checked in with the Lord on every turn so I know that I was obedient, but a little tired thinking about having to do that all again. The logical thing would be to get right back on the horse and start calling around again, right? Well, I sensed the Lord telling me to wait and rest ... on Friday when I wanted to make calls, and on Saturday and even on Sunday! Then Sunday afternoon something came up and a door opened! Still nothing is for sure, but all week I still feel that gentle yet strong hand on my shoulder sitting me back down every time I start to feel anxious and think I need to jump up and make calls. My Father is telling me that he has got it all under control. My timetable and concerns are not concerns to him at all, they are no obstacle to the plan he knows he has. Thank you Father for you kind, loving, gentle way that is allowing me to rest while you work out the details!
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
It's all in a word
In my family growing up I was always called "princess". My parents were very intentional about never giving us negative nicknames, I am thankful for that practice. To some extent I started to believe I was a bit princess-like! When E and I first got married one day during an argument I blurted out "I'm a princess and you have to treat me like one!!"
Well in the past year I have been given two more names that have built me up and changed me. I would not call them nicknames, they are a little more like identity. Kathi told me about a year ago that I am a woman of Faith. That was hard for me to digest, but over time I have not only valued that but felt like it is something that I am able to take pride in (the good kind, not the kind that will make me fall). It is okay for me to recognize that I do have big faith and it seems to come naturally to me. It is really like Kathi was speaking a word of truth over me that I was then able to stand tall in. Then for Christmas Cindy reminded me that my name means Industrious. As soon as I read that I knew it was from the Lord. I am industrious, but I have often thought of it as a negative thing, like I am burning the candle at both ends working to hard ... Again I felt like this was a word of truth spoken over me. This word has somehow given me permission to see my projects as valuable to the Lord, and honestly this word is what has allowed me to jump in with both feet to this CC thing.
Thank you friends for being obedient to share these words with me. I feel more free and motivated to be an industrious woman of faith now that I know these truths about myself.
Well in the past year I have been given two more names that have built me up and changed me. I would not call them nicknames, they are a little more like identity. Kathi told me about a year ago that I am a woman of Faith. That was hard for me to digest, but over time I have not only valued that but felt like it is something that I am able to take pride in (the good kind, not the kind that will make me fall). It is okay for me to recognize that I do have big faith and it seems to come naturally to me. It is really like Kathi was speaking a word of truth over me that I was then able to stand tall in. Then for Christmas Cindy reminded me that my name means Industrious. As soon as I read that I knew it was from the Lord. I am industrious, but I have often thought of it as a negative thing, like I am burning the candle at both ends working to hard ... Again I felt like this was a word of truth spoken over me. This word has somehow given me permission to see my projects as valuable to the Lord, and honestly this word is what has allowed me to jump in with both feet to this CC thing.
Thank you friends for being obedient to share these words with me. I feel more free and motivated to be an industrious woman of faith now that I know these truths about myself.
My Identity
(This is not in chronological order, this happened before the previous post)
I have tried to be careful who I have told what about this whole process. Not because of shame, which has kept me secretive in the past, but to protect myself. I did however choose to share with a few people that I was going to have this meeting yesterday at a church that intimidated me, with a pastor who intimidated me. I got some advice about how to go into the meeting professional and armed with statistics, knowledge and ways to entice this church to give me what I want. This advice did not sit well with me at all. A matter of fact as soon as it was given to me I had a headache and had to take a nap :) The next day when I was thinking more clearly I realized why this bothered me. Those things are not me! This is not the way I have approached this project. This is the Lords, not mine! I reminded myself that I have only made two calls and the church with 6,000 attendees has kept communication open with me, not because of anything I have done. I was going to go into that meeting just being myself and know that if this was the plan God has it will happen, if not I surely don't have to fret about it, he will provide something different.
I shared this with Amy yesterday morning during our 6:30 am phone call ;) and she reminded me of David and Saul. Remember Saul tried to put his armor on David, but it did not fit. David walked in confidence that it was the Lords battle therefore he would have success. This totally resonates with me!
1 Samuel 17:
33 Saul replied, “You are not able to go out against this Philistine and fight him; you are only a young man, and he has been a warrior from his youth.”
38 Then Saul dressed David in his own tunic. He put a coat of armor on him and a bronze helmet on his head. 39 David fastened on his sword over the tunic and tried walking around, because he was not used to them.
“I cannot go in these,” he said to Saul, “because I am not used to them.” So he took them off. 40 Then he took his staff in his hand, chose five smooth stones from the stream, put them in the pouch of his shepherd’s bag and, with his sling in his hand, approached the Philistine.
47b for the battle is the LORD’s, and he will give all of you into our hands.”
AMEN!! I am proud to be like David!! I know who I am, I know this is not my specialty, but I am going to take what I am familiar with and know how to use and fight for the Lord!
I have tried to be careful who I have told what about this whole process. Not because of shame, which has kept me secretive in the past, but to protect myself. I did however choose to share with a few people that I was going to have this meeting yesterday at a church that intimidated me, with a pastor who intimidated me. I got some advice about how to go into the meeting professional and armed with statistics, knowledge and ways to entice this church to give me what I want. This advice did not sit well with me at all. A matter of fact as soon as it was given to me I had a headache and had to take a nap :) The next day when I was thinking more clearly I realized why this bothered me. Those things are not me! This is not the way I have approached this project. This is the Lords, not mine! I reminded myself that I have only made two calls and the church with 6,000 attendees has kept communication open with me, not because of anything I have done. I was going to go into that meeting just being myself and know that if this was the plan God has it will happen, if not I surely don't have to fret about it, he will provide something different.
I shared this with Amy yesterday morning during our 6:30 am phone call ;) and she reminded me of David and Saul. Remember Saul tried to put his armor on David, but it did not fit. David walked in confidence that it was the Lords battle therefore he would have success. This totally resonates with me!
1 Samuel 17:
33 Saul replied, “You are not able to go out against this Philistine and fight him; you are only a young man, and he has been a warrior from his youth.”
38 Then Saul dressed David in his own tunic. He put a coat of armor on him and a bronze helmet on his head. 39 David fastened on his sword over the tunic and tried walking around, because he was not used to them.
“I cannot go in these,” he said to Saul, “because I am not used to them.” So he took them off. 40 Then he took his staff in his hand, chose five smooth stones from the stream, put them in the pouch of his shepherd’s bag and, with his sling in his hand, approached the Philistine.
47b for the battle is the LORD’s, and he will give all of you into our hands.”
AMEN!! I am proud to be like David!! I know who I am, I know this is not my specialty, but I am going to take what I am familiar with and know how to use and fight for the Lord!
What's *your* plan Lord???
Besides writing my essay's I have really enjoyed much of the process of putting this new community together. Like anyone starting something new, I had a picture in my mind of what it would look like. It was not very specific, but it was there. Well, over the past few weeks as I have met with some people I feel like my vision has gone from gray and one dimensional to vibrantly colored and multi dimensional. It is so cool, I desire community so I was going to make that happen where I go. I am learning that community is a HUGE need for homeschoolers and I have even come across a few people who were on the fence about CC and when I mentioned my vision about community decided it was for them. The super cool thing about this is, community is who I am. I am a gatherer of people. I love to plan and organize. I love to see people with common interests and convictions come together and "do life" together. Sometimes I even like to sit on the sidelines and watch it happen ... but I need it too, so I wont stay there :)
Back to my vision, it was to meet for CC, have lunch and field trips. Well, as I am talking to others, I am being encouraged to allow myself to really go for what I desire. I want mom's nights out. Instead of being isolated in our CC classes I want to find ways to build relationships and community even in our learning time, and I am finding fun ways to do that! So this was the second revision of my vision and I was pretty excited about it.
Well, if one thing is true it is that I should not underestimate the Lord and HIS visions! Yesterday I went to visit a site to possibly hold our CC classes. Let me interrupt myself here to say that typically a new director would call tons of churches looking for the right fit. I did not do that. I made two initial calls, and honestly did not even pursue them that much. This is not for a lack of feeling like I should do more. It is just every time I wanted to start researching church buildings I felt the Lord tell me to "rest" in him. If these two did not work then he would lead me to more to call. So I did that, I rested ... for over a month! Back to yesterday, I visited the building that looks the most likely and "omgoodness, omgoodness, omgoodness!!!" This place is AMAZING!! It has more than enough rooms for us to have a full campus, a huge nursery, beautiful playground and big spaces for our assembly time. That seems great, right? After all we are supposed to be using the classical model just using a "stick in the sand". So, as Pastor Bill ended the tour of the facility he casually said "Since you are a homeschool group [not sure what that has to do with anything] you can use our pinball arcade, ice rink and batting cages". WHAT LORD!! BATTING CAGES ... ICE RINK ... PINBALL MACHINES, all right there on the campus??? This is crazy! Oh, did I mention their indoor jumpy house room? Whew! Talk about building community!
I don't know what else to say. I am up in the middle of the night because I can not stop thinking about how crazy this is. It is not a sure thing yet, Thursday morning their elders meet and will give us the final answer. Either way, this entire experience has been so refreshing to me. I don't know if I would ever attend a church with an ice rink, but this has opened my eyes to see how big my God is, and when he has a plan he can exceed any expectations, hopes, dreams or visions. I should know this, he has done it in so many areas of my life, it is just a nice reminder :).
Back to my vision, it was to meet for CC, have lunch and field trips. Well, as I am talking to others, I am being encouraged to allow myself to really go for what I desire. I want mom's nights out. Instead of being isolated in our CC classes I want to find ways to build relationships and community even in our learning time, and I am finding fun ways to do that! So this was the second revision of my vision and I was pretty excited about it.
Well, if one thing is true it is that I should not underestimate the Lord and HIS visions! Yesterday I went to visit a site to possibly hold our CC classes. Let me interrupt myself here to say that typically a new director would call tons of churches looking for the right fit. I did not do that. I made two initial calls, and honestly did not even pursue them that much. This is not for a lack of feeling like I should do more. It is just every time I wanted to start researching church buildings I felt the Lord tell me to "rest" in him. If these two did not work then he would lead me to more to call. So I did that, I rested ... for over a month! Back to yesterday, I visited the building that looks the most likely and "omgoodness, omgoodness, omgoodness!!!" This place is AMAZING!! It has more than enough rooms for us to have a full campus, a huge nursery, beautiful playground and big spaces for our assembly time. That seems great, right? After all we are supposed to be using the classical model just using a "stick in the sand". So, as Pastor Bill ended the tour of the facility he casually said "Since you are a homeschool group [not sure what that has to do with anything] you can use our pinball arcade, ice rink and batting cages". WHAT LORD!! BATTING CAGES ... ICE RINK ... PINBALL MACHINES, all right there on the campus??? This is crazy! Oh, did I mention their indoor jumpy house room? Whew! Talk about building community!
I don't know what else to say. I am up in the middle of the night because I can not stop thinking about how crazy this is. It is not a sure thing yet, Thursday morning their elders meet and will give us the final answer. Either way, this entire experience has been so refreshing to me. I don't know if I would ever attend a church with an ice rink, but this has opened my eyes to see how big my God is, and when he has a plan he can exceed any expectations, hopes, dreams or visions. I should know this, he has done it in so many areas of my life, it is just a nice reminder :).
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